Curmudgeon Alley

Winter’s Bone

Winter's Bone

I was curious when scanning the local theater offerings to find a movie that was not on my radar.  Reading the first few lines of the synopsis, I became curiouser and curiouser.  The film was shot in Southwest Missouri, directed by a woman and winner at Sundance.  My hubby, being of a good nature, often lets me drag him to the latest movie that I want to see.  But he does tend to like little known, artsy and foreign films.  We have an agreement that certain percentage of rentals must be in English.  

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Sexy Defined

Another story for the grandkids…about grandkids. 

When my son was around 3 or so we were all at my mother’s house for dinner.   My mother is very strict about manners and all the grandkids knew that unquestionably.  They all tried their darnedest (at least at that point in their young lives) to avoid a run in with Grandma about manners.  My son burps, and we all look at him expecting an “excuse me”.   He looks back at us and says, “It was the burp bird in my pocket.”  What you do after that?  

We did not know it then, but that incidence was a good foreshadowing of my son’s future personality. 

Fast forward 30 some odd years, Read the rest of this entry »

Rev. Joe Encounters a UFO

In 1973 I had moved back to Oklahoma from Rhode Island for various reasons.  The primary one was that my father (and family) had been transferred overseas several months earlier.  This left little ole lonesome me all alone in big ole Rhode Island.  I decided to move to where I had some relatives.  Shortly after arriving there I found a job working in the warehouse of Coburn Optical.

After dropping out of college I had spent almost two years working in an injection molding factory.  Combine that with time working in a warehouse, and I was more than ready to improve my lot.  I went back to school, Read the rest of this entry »

Oui, Oui

This is for the grandkids…

When my son was but a wee laddie, say around 4 or 5 I told him the following joke:

An American was driving in France.  He sees a pretty, young French woman walking besides the road.  He stops besides her, opens the passenger door and asks her Read the rest of this entry »

Rev. Joe stumbles

I am not religious.  I do not even consider myself spiritual.  I made the last comment a while back and I had a couple folks arguing with me as they thought I was very spiritual.  One problem with the word spiritual is that it has an old school dictionary definition, and common usage that is of a more new age derivative.  The dictionary definition, to me, is not that much different than the dictionary definition for religious . Spiritual in this context seems to imply a less structured version of religious.  I have trouble getting my head around the new age definition.  It is very much like E=mc².  I understand the parts, but the whole is another matter.

My goal is to live an ethical and a genuine life.  However, most of the time I fail miserably at these tasks.  Read the rest of this entry »

Glory Road by Robert A. Heinlein

Glory Road by Robert A. Heinlein @ Amazon.com

They say that you should not look back at some things.  One example would be looking up old girlfriends.  Another I’ve discovered is reading a book from your adolescence.

I should have known better.  When I was but a wee lad, I loved the movie Swiss Family Robinson.  It was a movie I had viewed several times as a youngster.  After VCRs became popular I rented a copy one night to share with my two children.  I wanted them to experience the joy I had felt watching this movie.   My kids thought it absolutely lame, Read the rest of this entry »

A Big Grin

My short (5’ 3”) and short legged girlfriend was so tickled.  I’ve lost enough weight that she can wrap her legs around my waist and cross them at the ankles…

Another Question of Etiquette

Speaking of tastelessness (mine), I have another etiquette question.

I was at a function the other night that mostly outside, bar-b-queue, cold beer, music.  It was in association with a local club on Ferris Street in Jackson, Mississippi (I just love spelling that word out).  There were more than a few scantily dressed young women with required tops that revealed most, but not all of their bosoms.  Oh hell, tits.

At one point when I was at the bar trying to get some chips, well beer, there was one set particular close and distracting.

My question of etiquette is this.  Would it be wrong on my part to look her in the eye and say, “Dang, I wish I had some beads”?

Trailer Trash on Display

Okay, okay…I’m all for freedom of speech.  God knows that I would not want somebody limiting my wonderful ramblings.  At some point, some self censorship should take over.   Occasionally, the question should be asked, “Is this classy?  Is this really how I want to represent myself to the population at large?”

We’ve all seen the urinating boys doing their thing on “FORD” or “CHEVY”.  I saw one the recently that I thought represented the ultimate in poor taste.  Read the rest of this entry »

Groaners: Bad Prose for Cheap Novels

Have you read some really bad prose lately that you would like to share?

Have you your own example?  Like to share?  Post it here or email me and I will post it for you.

I’ll start off with one that occurred to me on my morning walk to work.

She thought to herself, “He makes love like he brushes his teeth, fast and furious and not near long enough.”